June 09, 2010

Neurosis+Pregnancy= All sorts of Crazy

 "living amongst exclamation points, question marks and the occasional dot-dot-dot..."
 -from here

I've been thinking a lot about the future, naturally, and what life will be like with a daughter in tow. Not just a baby but a toddler, tween, teenage, full-on adult of a daughter. Last night D asked me "are you gonna be disappointed if she's a complete tomboy and not interested in anything girly girl?" I was caught off guard but my immediate reaction was "NO! Why would that matter?!" But after I let it sink in a bit I found myself later, standing in the bathroom, removing all my make-up and wondering if maybe it would matter.. just a little bit? Not because I feel I have any say or concern in who she turns out to be, but more for fear that we won't have things in common. Obviously I wasn't solely harping on the whole "girly girl" thing.. but those words had ricocheted into every neurotic corner of my mind until it ultimately turned in to one big anxiety that equalled "my daughter is going to hate me."

After sleeping on it I woke up this morning all oh geez! I'm so ridiculous and I gotta tell everyone on the blog about this! Thankfully I realized that I was getting a little crazy, but I don't think it came from a completely unrealistic process of thought. Obviously parents-to-be would think about how they'll be with their kids! But I was SERIOUSLY freaking out and its not the first time I've found reasons to have this particular fear. So I was wondering..

Do any of you ever get yourselves seriously (I mean seriously) worked up over the future relationship you might have with your future child? I sure as hell hope it's not just me...

8 comments:

  1. THIS POST CAPTURES THE ESSENCE OF ME. i worry about this all the time. i used to pray while i was pregnant that wyatt and i would have a close relationship. i remember hating my parents and thinking that they totally just sucked. it terrifies me that wyatt MIGHT hate me. i mean, it's the saddest thing ever. i guess you just gotta hope for the best. just be a good mom, that's all you can do.

    ReplyDelete
  2. When I was pregnant with Little J, I would worry that he was going to be utterly embarrassed by me from day one. I've always been the off-beat, quirky one of my friends. Then a friend of mine told me, "Don't let those parts of yourself go...they could benefit the little one more than you realize.", and it just stuck with me. Your little girl will love you, no matter what, just because she'll know how much you love her, whether she's a girly girl or a tomboy. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. now i'm kind of worried because i've actually never thought about this! but i guess if she does end up hating me we'll both grow out of it. thats whats happened with me and my mom anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  4. well i know i can't do anything about it anyway, but i still just feel this need to not only get along with her in general, but be really close. probably because my mom and i have a close relationship.. it would just be devastating to not feel that kind of relationship with my own little girl.. you never know how different people will react to their parents. :o( but thanks for the input ladies! glad to know i'm at least not TOO crazy haha!

    ReplyDelete
  5. omg, i think about this all the time! And not just my relationship with my child, but with my husband and the child's relationship as well. Probably with all my past experiences with parents. I keep thinking my child is going to be like my sister and not get along with anyone in the family and run away and be all crazy. Pretty much I am just scared they are going to turn into someone that I have no idea on how to connect with and we will be like strangers. :( My husband keeps telling just to think positive, but it is hard sometimes when you know people that things like that have happened to.

    ReplyDelete
  6. and to add to it, no matter how much of a great parent you and your husband will be, children still have there own minds and some turn out completely different then what you had hoped. It is hard to keep positive when you know there is always a slim chance something like that will happen.... so in short, YOU'RE NOT CRAZY! I think a lot of people go through that.

    ReplyDelete
  7. !! EXACTLY !! and what's worse... I feel like I'm going to be such an easy going parent in the sense that I honestly don't mind who they turn out to be.. even if it's totally opposite of us.. they're not artsy, are into politics, dress different, cheerlead, hate dad's punk music haha! whatever! I don't care about that.. all that I hope for her to be is respectful and caring and that we can still find a common ground. Is that too much to ask? For teenagers especially... yea... sometimes it is :o( I can't help but be anxious about it!

    ReplyDelete
  8. your cool, your baby will be cool and she'll LOVE you! that's how it works! I am not exactly like my parents and there not exactly like me, but I was a tomboy/girlygirl, seriously I was both combined in one. It's totally possible.

    ReplyDelete

BLOGGER TEMPLATES BY pipdig